I used to think that I had to give up me to be loved by you. I had to behave, dress, and think in ways that fit your expectations to make you happy. I wanted to be whatever you wanted me to be. I wore all kind of masks and costumes based on the roles you expected me to play. All these years, you made me feel like I had to earn your love, you rewarded me when I did things you approved and punished me when I did things you did not approve. You gave me your conditional love and held me accountable to your expectations in order to qualify for your affection. I wanted to earn your love, I tried to please you for a very long time, but I got confused about my own identity over the years, and I lost myself. I love you, but I am done living my life according to your expectations. Now I want to live my life MY way for the following reasons:
1. I only have one life
I only have one life, and I want to live it, own it, and especially I do not want to let you or anyone else distract me from my path. My needs matter too, and right now I have to do what’s best for me, not what’s best for you.
2. You don’t know me better than I know myself
Only I can define what’s possible for me and my life. Real success is not what you or other people see, but it is how I feel. I want to live my truth and do what makes me feel alive.
3. I cannot keep lying forever
Being myself is easy and requires no effort, but being who you want me to be is living in a constant lie. I want to be true to who I am and live life effortlessly which is why I must let go of the desire to please you.
4. I want to be happy
Happiness for me is living my life my way, according to my morals and values.
My relationship with myself is the closest and most important relationship I will ever have. I don’t want to be you, or a version of what you think I should be. I want to be me, so PLEASE let me be me.